May, you have been so strong and clear and have had amazing boundaries over the past few days, which have been inspiring to read. Donít let his waffling alter your course at this point. Anything less than full-steam ahead is going to result in the same outcome you have found yourself in a few different times over the past year. And you are finally trusting yourself that you will be OK in a different outcome. Donít let him take that away from you. Whether you find your footing on your own, or a real version of M2.0, keep steaming ahead. Unfortunately, I donít think youíll find the latter until you execute the former.
Keep seeing H for who he really is. Let that fuel you into the next step. If H is REALLY, TRULY, FAITHFULLY invested in finding M2.0, NOTHING will stop him. Not a S, not division of assets and custody, not divorce proceedings. NOTHING will stop him if he is 100% committed to finding his way back into your trust and back into your heart. So, you have nothing to lose by putting your foot to the metal and gunning your beautiful self into a new life.
Everything H has said to you in his waffling is an attempt to put the onus back on you for all of this, which I hope you see. ĎYou will never forgive me. You will never really love me again. You are just doing this for the kids.í Bull f*cking sh!t. You may be a sexy little kitten, but donít for one minute lap that up like warm milk. (You will never be able to look at that real kitten of yours the same againó sorry, not sorry ).
From the 30,000 ft (AKA an outsiderís) view, your path is clear: you do the best for YOU right now. H will work his ever-living socks off to convince you of path B if he is sincere in M 2.0. And if heís not, then you are well on your way to your own path B.
You are worth so much more than what you are receiving right now. And only you can put up the boundaries to find your way there.