Recap: My H told me a year ago that he had been in a long distance EA, it was over, but he wasn't sure he wanted to stay married. In December he told me it had actually been a 2 year long PA. She lives about 5000 miles away, they probably saw each other an average of every six to eight weeks because of H's work travel. We went through a month of limbo and discernment counseling and he broke it off with her in February. They got back in touch four months later and sparked it back up (she reached out to tell him she was moving on forever, he lost the plot). Another six weeks of limbo (she's the love of his life, he doesn't know if he can be happy without her, but he wants to stay BFFs with me) and he broke it off again in July in order to go on a 5 week trip with me and the kids-- my condition for going was that he go NC, block her on all communication channels, and at least be able to tell me he had no intention of contacting her again (he "can't predict the future" and so didn't want to say she was absolutely out of his life forever). We got back a week and a half ago. A few days ago, H told me he was thinking about her again and wanted to be with her and we should S.
I said, OK and have been moving forward with my plans for a life without H. We have talked generally about finances and child custody and are on the same page, though we haven't gone through the spreadsheets in detail. At first I was the angriest I have ever been in my life and having a hard time dealing with the anger. I've been basically NC and avoided him as much as possible. He has been sleeping in the basement and checking out apartments.
H, of course, has now started waffling. As usual.
LH/Ginger... I don't want to stay in a loveless M for the sake of the kids. Especially a loveless M to a weak and selfish liar. What I have said all along is that I wanted the chance to work on it and give our M the best possible shot. That if we both looked each other in the eyes and gave it our best and we couldn't make it work-- then, OK. But I want to be secure in my heart that I did everything I possibly could to give my children a happy two-parent household. I don't want to have any regrets, especially regrets linked to the kids.
Me (45) H (41) M:13 T:17, D8 & D10 4/19 BD #1 ILYB 8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA 12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA 2-5/20 R attempt #1 6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP 8/20-present R attempt #2