Originally Posted by LH19
Tommy,

There is really nothing to ask. You just described 97% of long term marriages. You weren't meeting her needs so she had no desire to meet yours. The marriage becomes unfulfilling for both parties involved. Usually its just a matter of timing in terms of who pulls the rip cord first.

That's why it's now important to separate the desire for the person, from the desire for resumption of control, stability, in your life. Your brain is telling you that getting W back will restore these things, but it won't.

So ask yourself, what do you want and why do you want it?

Actually, I have given up on getting her back. It's been 11.5 months and she has been totally uncommunicative. What I need now, more than ever, is closure. Since she's not talking, I don't get real answers, so the input or perspective of others is most helpful. Michele's walk-away-wife-syndrome was the best thing I've read since D-Day. It explained so much.

What do I want? To be a better second husband to someone else. All humans are made for connection, but as a basically sensitive, vulnerable man, I need it more than others. This close to age 60, I do not want to grow old alone.

I have already been working on communication. Believe me, now I gush communication. My kids know that "all the old rules are gone" and while they are sometimes taken aback they like the new Dad. I talk of my fears and my feelings and it feels good to do so.

I do things to affirm the people I love (basically my kids and a few good friends) as well. My health is fantastic and I don't need to change my diet; but for example, my daughters were urging me to switch from cow milk to oat milk, and I did it just to please them. It worked! They love it! I didn't used to be that way.

It really is too bad. My ex will try and find another man and she will learn that most men are the same. She would have been better off trying out Tom 2.0 for awhile.