If I were you, I would be grateful for anyone taking their time to offer any advice here. Yes, often times it might sound harsh but the advice I've gotten here is worth more than years and years of any therapy. No one here says things to be mean, we have all suffered in similar ways as you and today I am very happy for the veterans here posting on my thread and pointing out my sometimes ridiculous behaviour.

It has made me a better man. I've met therapists that only listen and that may help a little bit but this is just as much therapy for me. Group therapy you could call it.