I couldn't agree more, bttrfly, that our responses here are totally colored by our own personal experiences, the life we have led, the particular baggage that we carry. While I wouldn't make the same choices I see others making, they, in turn would not likely make the same choices I do either. Sometimes, though, I do think that it is in those who differ from us most that we can learn the most. It is easy to get complacent in getting advice from like-minded people, but those of a differing opinion can offer a different perspective that may not seem as obvious to us.
I am the one who pointed out the difference in how people responded to DV vs. how they responded to Andrew and the subsequent comments were just a response to what I'd said, but I stand by it. Are there differences in the situations? Absolutely! But the main similarity that prompted my comments to begin with were the speed at which things seemed to be moving. I have hammered Andrew and I said my peace to DV as well and in both cases, they can take or leave what I said as they see fit. I don't live their lives and comment only based on one tiny tidbit of the story and I don't have to live with the very real consequences, whether they are positive or negative. At the end of the day, we all have to do what works for us in our situations. And, we can take advice from strangers on the internet or we can leave it as we see fit. I know I continue to post, though sometimes I get comments that sting a tad. I just remind myself that the comments are based on a very sliver of information that I provided, so I can take it personally or I can take it in the helpful spirit with which it is usually intended.
By the way, DV, sorry for the hijack, but I also wanted to say glad your surgery went well. Here's to quick healing so you can be up and around in no time.
Me 50, H52 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)