ok, well, in the interests of being consistent in my posts, here I am:
Most people who go the route of online dating are doing so in the hopes of meeting someone they 'click' with (pardon the pun), so that they can get to know that person better, and perhaps mutually decide that they want to start a relationship and see what happens.
Some people have other motives, but you're not going to know that at the beginning unless it's super obvious.
From what you've written DV, this is a guy you've 'clicked' with. The attraction is mutual. You both want to explore this to see where it can go from here.
Each of us comes to this forum with our own set of luggage which colors our posts and our actions both on and offline. People have made much of the fact that Andrew got annihilated for the speed with which he and B then S got together. I remain of the same opinions I posted at the time on his threads.
If I were to weigh in on your sitch, here are what I see as the positives:
** TDH has spent what seems to me to be a reasonable time on his own post divorce so you can have a reasonable expectation that he's not in a major rush to fill the void so many of us feel in the immediate aftermath of BD, nor are you in danger of being the "rebound" girl ** You've met him in his element, and sensed no red flags ** You've met some of his "people" and everything so far is consistent ** Your people are giving you positive feedback after meeting and spending time with him ** You guys have slowed the talk down and are seeming to take a more long-range view of things
and the negatives:
** still not clear on the text thing and subsequent explanation. I'd like to meet those folks myself to formulate a better opinion, if I were in your shoes. Again, that's what * I'd * like, not necessarily what * you * would like or need ** The son in question who has issues would raise a flag for me, BUT I do not do what YOU do for a living, so obviously your comfort level is different as is your professional knowledge of the situation. ** no, I wouldn't introduce my son to someone right away, probably not for several months, but again - that's me.
Why am I seemingly easier on you than Andrew? ** TDH hasn't several kids from several relationships. ** TDH hasn't been in an all fired rush to tie you down ** TDH isn't pursuing you while being legally married to someone else. ** You aren't being set up to be marriage #4. ** From what you've told us, it seems TDH has spent more time on self reflection and internal work than S ** You aren't moving anyone into your home with their children, pets etc. at what seems to be the speed of light, or at least the speed of sound ** So far TDH's actions match his words, except for that one incident. There's not lip service to doing something then not following through
Let's face it, tt's hard enough to find someone to "click" with. When you do, the last thing you need, imho, is to run a gauntlet, however well-meaning or well-intentioned that gauntlet may be. It's interesting to me how much support posters get on the other forums here and how hypercritical we all are on this particular side of the online fence. Again, I blame it on the luggage that got us here. Some on this forum have pretty much told me or acted like I'm either a prude or some sort of bizarre weirdo for the stance I take on romantic matters. As a twenty-something I was notoriously picky and that has not changed. I recognize that I am a bit of a unicorn. I'm not going to change who I fundamentally am and I'm not going to rush to put myself in a situation I'm haven't been ready for up til now. Bottom line - I don't give a rat's @$$ for anyone's opinion of how I live my life. I don't think you do either, so be happy, be careful, be safe.
M 20+ T25+ S 15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 H moved out 4/24/15 D Final 12/23/16