Im so sorry, i urge you to get help with little ones if you feel like you just want to go for A drive, stop in the car park and cry, sob, scream. Its ok to give into emotions, you just need to do it in private. You need to make sure that you are ok, this is your job number one! I remember feeling the same way re kids. Dont, it is well and truly on him how much time he spends or doesnt spend with kids. I dont tell the kids anymore if dad is coming to avoid disappointment, if he comes great if he doesnt they dont know any different.
I know its tricky, but i try and pretend that my H is a lodger (he stays at the house quiet a bit) i dont need to know where he is and what is he doing, as long as he fulfills all financial commitments.
Have you told your family yet?
Rachel its early days, but you will be ok, in fact you will be good, great even. I was reading Mays thread today and i was astonished by her strength and resolve. And some of the things that she has said where she has become so strong realising that her H is weak and she frankly doesnt want this. I promise you If he doesnt return you will feel the same.
You deserve to be with someone who truly wants to be with you, you deserve to be someone only plan, not plan b, your children deserve to see their mum loved and cherished. And if its not your H it will someone so much better for you!