Ok, so you initiated an R talk. And once again you got blasted and sent reeling.
I'm not trying to be rough, but do you see the cause and effect sequence here?
1. You initiate R talk. 2. W says something that gives you glimmer of hope. 3. W says something that dashes that hope. 4. You feel awful.
This is why DB says R talks are a no-no.
Every time you have to put yourself back together. And every time you put yourself back together, you are actually moving yourself farther away from the chance of Recon or successful co-parenting R in the future.
R talks are pressure for her and only build resentment for you.