Iím late here to responding, partly because life finally has returned to just about normal, though Iím sure or at least fear itís only a couple week break from the insanity. I also know what I say wonít change a thing. But I always strive to not be hypocritical about things. And I have to agree with Dawn that has become a danger. We were all over Ginger for intertwining her daughter into a three month thing that she had no business getting intertwined in. Ginger learned from that mistake and has not repeated it. Weíve also been very critical of Andrew and his mad dash to instant love.
As has oft been pointed out we really canít know the true day to day of things here. All we can do is think based on our experiences. Iíve met and even dated a few woman who had daughters who acted more like the mother than the actual mom did. They made better decisions and were often embarrassed by the actions of their parent. Not at all saying thatís the case here but might it be? At the end of the day your daughter is still 12 - TWELVE! She is very impressionable and is learning by what she sees and experiences. I donít doubt she didnít miss Jack. He likely said very little to her and rarely interacted with her by how you describe him. She probably thought he was just the weird guy With no job who never talked, that her mom was dating. Itís not her job to make sure YOU are okay - itís the other way around. Sheís the child! She should be the first priority and the first concern. So perhaps she wonít get attached to TDH either. S it worth the risk? But Beyond that, what are you modeling for her? Through her eyes itís completely normal and acceptable to meet some guy on the Internet and then I Invite him to your home and your bed on the first meeting. Then if that first meeting blows up itís okay to do it all over again. Is that the behavior you want to model for your daughter? Honestly? I pray we are not calling you grandma in a few years. I know thatís harsh but see it through a 12 year old CHILDS eyes. She is seeing what you do and will very likely do it herself. The most impressionable role model is the same sex parent. Given your profession you have to know this.
If it were just you Iíd say I donít agree (at all) but hey itís your life and your choices. As long as no one is being harmed go for it. But when children are involved, itís a whole new level of concern. She is not your mature friend. She is your still very impressionable daughter. And then we have TDH who by both of your own words has a struggling child who really needs extra care and patience so TDH sneaks away from the child a day earlier so he can play house with his brand new girlfriend. Wow. I so feel for that child. I have to wonder if this childís behavior is not intertwined to his fathers behavior. How can it not be?
Like others here, itís clear nothing we say will Change things one bit. All we can do is put our points in writing for the others who happen to read it. I hope you beat the odds here and hope we are all wrong. It could happen. Still, real Life stories Like Dirty John do happen. We all think it will never happen to us though. I certainly hope it never happens to you but the one thing that is hard to dispute at this point is there is no possible way you can truly know who TDH is - nor can he know who you truly are. You both may think you do and you may be starting to see the real person but you really canít this soon. Itís just not possible. Thatís why slow and steady often wins the race. Oh for sure the quick love at first sight sometimes works out as well but more often than not, it does not. Just please donít put others at risk for the decisions you make. There is a reason 12 year olds donít drive, vote or hold important jobs or make adult decisions - no matter how mature they may be. At their core they are still children and need to be protected.
DonH Midwest Me 56 WAW-EXW 55 Met 11/95 / Married 5/00 Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06 4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D