So I ended up having ďmovie nightĒ it was fine. But my observations: his wife just loves talking to me probably because like you said Fogg, I listen to her. After last night I know about how her diabetes got a little worse and she is on a new medication and she sought medical advice from me. Then when my ex leaves the room, she starts venting about his sister again. She canít stand her and apparently Iím the one she wants to vent to about that. She canít stand her.
Honestly I left just feeling really sad. I cried on the way home . My Saturday night is spent with my ex husband and his affair partner. Why do I do it? Because Iíll be the bad guy to my daughter if I donít. And I donít see deserve that. Some may envy how we all get along, but it is not easy on me. Much easier than not getting along, thatís for sure, but it emotionally takes a toll on me. At the end of the night, I drive home alone and go home alone to my empty bed. I want my own husband/ partner to do these things with. Not my ex. Not his wife. I want my own.
Iím riding along on the emotional struggle bus lately. It feels never ending . I am off the dating sites. I just canít look anymore. But when I do I think Iím going to really change my approach. I got so hyper villigant about looking for red flags, that I was ruling out everyone. I did not approach it to be fun. It takes too much to get me interested. Iím just going to chill. Take it for what itís worth. Iím working today and tomorrow and I have really busy week coming up. D12 starts virtual school Tuesday, she has cheer practice Tuesday and Friday, Saturday is cheer pictures and homecoming game and my dad and his wife are coming. Ex and wall out our daughter for her 8th grade year. Sunday she officially becomes 13 and me, her and her dad are going horseback riding and then out to dinner. September and October are busy for me. And at the end of those busy days I sure wish I had someone . But I donít. And I donít want to put the effort in finding someone . So thatís on me.
I believe I am a really really really good person. Too good, actually. Itís a blessing aNd a curse. Lately it feels more like a curse