The long and short of it is that it is your life and you have to do what is right for you. I say that all the time on here and IRL. You mention "breaking rules", but I say when it comes to love, rules don't really apply because everyone is different. I can respect that we approach life very differently and you have to do you and I will do me. You are right that I don't know you or your kids and you, obviously, know them better than me or anyone else for that matter. Sadly, though, I have dealt with kids for a long time where parents insist their kids are one way or feel or think a certain way, only to have kids themselves tell me something else. Not at all saying that is the case here, but saying the possibility exists that they may SAY they are fine as long as you are fine, but that also may be said because that is what you want to hear and they know it. They are old enough to know what you want to hear or how you want them to feel and to bend to that, if that makes sense. Again, not saying that is definitely happening here, but just saying the possibility does exist.
Other than my concern for the kids, the other thing that bothers me about the whole thing is the double standard of it all. Andrew got HAMMERED and is still getting hammered occasionally (and I will totally raise my hand and say I have participated in said hammering, despite my fondness for Andrew, or maybe because of my fondness for him) for pretty much the same thing while you are getting virtual high fives and pats on the back. Why is it not ok for Andrew to run in like his hair is on fire to a situation that looks fishy from the outside but it is fine for you to do the same because it is just who you are? I know that sounds harsh and I'm so sorry because I don't mean for it to at all. It is hard to explain without sounding harsh, honestly.
Like I said, I do really want you to be happy and you are a grown woman and you have to make your choices and you have to deal with the consequences be they good or bad. I do truly hope it is all sunshine and roses for you, honestly. Everybody, men and women, deserves to find a true, lasting love who thinks that they hung the moon.
Me 50, H52 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 4 grandkids (plus 2 on the way)