Mumin and U - I agree and disagree on the NGS comments partially. Read and thought that book was great by the way. Here's what I'm trying to work through....I see that I expect certain outcomes by behaving a certain way. My confusion is that I want to behave the way I do. I'm not changing who I am to get something. I don't have a covert contract with just a person, its like I have an expectation that the universe itself will fulfill what I perceived as a reward for good behavior. Maybe I've a covert contract with a higher power. The shame, guilt and outsourcing my happiness, thats definitely NGS haunting me again.
I'll go easy this time =)
I have an expectation that the universe itself will fulfill what I perceived as a reward for good behavior.
What do you mean by this?
Originally Posted by Core
And U, lol at calling out the cognitive distortions. I find them easy to believe as there are daily examples. Those looking for a single dad, do they want the security, the feelings or the man himself? The same can be asked of me as well, am i looking for the stability, sex, happiness or the woman herself to compliment me? Right now I know I'd be looking for the wrong thing.
I totally get that you can think yourself into a pretzel. The very concept of being in a relationship can look co-dependent and unhealthy from your vantage point.
The fact is, there are tons of women looking for a nice, funny, single dad. And "women" aren't just a single type. They don't all want the same thing.
Regardless I think it's good to sort out what you want first. All I'm saying is don't worry about whether or not there will be available women out there if and when the time comes. And don't settle just because you found somebody who will spend time with you.