Hi core, sorry you are struggling! I have seen a lot of strength from you on these boards and I am sure you will find it!
I don't have time rn for a long post but there was something that stuck out to me in your post.
Hav you read no more Mr nice guy?

This here, is textbook NGS:
"Its not what I was told it would be. The book, friends, parents led me to believe that good things came to good people. Trying hard and being decent would lead to a nice life. Being loving, working hard, putting others first would lead to a happy marriage."

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021