VU, thank you so much for your kind words. I try to be the best mom I can, I just want my D to be happy. She is not all so appreciative these days, on the level of a 13 year old girl. What am I going to do? But she was happy, her friends were happy, and we survived through zero sleep and 2 bouts of rain.

I did nothing the next day. I was in the worst shape with this awful poison ivy. I was just in tears. My ex acually brought me a little "medicine" which he though might help and was actually something I really really wanted. and it did help some. I have been aboslutely beside myself with no improvement. I went to the beach yesterday. Took me an hour ot find a spot but i eventually did, and the ocean felt AMAZING. it was cool and salty and gave me relief while I was in there. This has truly torture and no one has seen a reaction as bad as mine, persisting as long as mine. I went to work today. I am super uncomfortable though. I just try to make it through my every day.

I'm going to be honest. I really am hating life lately, I just focus on getting through the end of the day without a nervous breakdown. Im beginning to doubt my inner strength. Im seriously losing it.

Something perhaps worth mentioning. Thursday I picked D up from her house, her dads wife wsa there and I was trying not to go in the house. But we were going to a store and i had to pee. OMG, she spoke to me for an hour. About her work, I mean everything! Like i was her bestie. But then I think she either was confiding in me or trying to stir the sh!t pot. Told me about my ex SIL, which clearly she isn't a fan of either. Tells me she is mean to my daughter because she is a picky eater and does teenagery stuff. Also told me that my ex SIL wants us to change our christmas custody schedule because it inconveniences HER. I am not surprised by this. I am shocked she told me though. She went on to tell me how now my ex begins to stand up a little more for himself and sees what she does. (this was some contention in our marriage).

But why? Why talk to me about it? When we did get in the car, D 12 told me she tries to talk to everyone, no one ever listens to her, no one cares, and I was the only one who listens. WTF? It's all so weird. I have to watch her intentions and her motivations though I am not going to be completely naive. I laugh, because i think she really likes me as a person, and i think my ex even likes me as a person. I am not the awful person they convinced themselves I was ot make what they did right.

But in the end, I am still alone. My life has still be very greatly affected by what happened and what they did 13 years down the line. Divorce will affect things forever, that's for sure.

I am making it though each day minute by minute. That's all I can do right now. I seriously cry every night and pray for a break. Because even I have a breaking point.