The time is 2:20 am. My 3rd night with no sleep. Aside from having awful side effects of the steroids. Iím retaining water like a cow and I have insomnia.

I also have 6 girls in a tent in my yard who are still awake. So there will be no sleeping . What a ride it has been. I decided to poor pretty much an hour into the party. So the girls were good and just went in the tent and when the pizza got here I just brought it all in the tent and they ate it in there. D set up everything else outside woth one of her friends before I got home and she did a great job. We covered everything up and it was fine. They had to bring tie die into the house and 7 of them tie died shirts in my kitchen, woth minimal mess that god. There were a few ďmom, you gotta help meĒ moments. It was all very exhausting but worth it. She seems happy. Her friends are having fun. No fights. Huge mess and lots of clean up for me tomorrow. But then sleep! Itís her dads birthday tomorrow and she will be going woth him. I kind of did expect him to come by after work and make sure everything was going smoothly and give a hand, but he didnít. And thatís ok. I pulled this off on my own . Itís an emotionally lonely experience . But empowering at the same time I guess. I made this happen for my D. I am a mom who could pull some pretty decent things off.

I am so depressed lately though. I feel so physically beaten down. My body is a mess. Itís feels a mess, it most certainly looks a mess. This poison ivy isnít getting better, the only thing the steroids are doing is preventing it from getting worse. And cleared up my face, thankfully. My arms are downright scary looking. We were joking at work today because I look like an IV drug abuSer. The swelling and water retention is insane. I have sausage feel right now and my abdomen is swollen. I literally cry every day, multiple times day.

I did make it to work today. And the most interesting thing happened I went to see a patient and we started talking and we live in the same town, and the. I realized who he was. He was my old neighbor. He saved me one day. The road we lived on could only allow one car down at a time. A recycling truck was coming done and wouldnít pull into a side driveway to let me pass and I had no where to pull over. I ended up suspended on a rock in someoneís property. He saw what happened and came outside and used his rather heavy body weight to get my tires on the ground by sitting the the back of mySUV a and I was able to get out. He remembered that too! He saved my butt that day. I was fortunate to truly get to thank him again.

Anyways, itís now 2:45 am and I may never actually get sleep. Iíll sleep when Iím dead, I guess.

Iím glad my daughter is happy. Iím glad we were able to deal with the the hiccups.

But I just pray my body starts to heal, because I just canít tKe this anymore