Hi Rachel

5 months in here and doing well. I will second no snooping, like literally stay away from his phone, if you see it walk the other way. You need to work on letting go of control. Yes he is their father but you cant make him see them more often, dont guilt him, you need to concentrate on being the best mum you can be for them, regardless of what he does or doesnt do. I read you post and i remember me, i wanted to do things together for the kids, but it was desperate and it didnt matter to the kids in the end. They live with me, we do cool stuff all the time, they see their dad whenever and i found they often are disinterested. It is his relationship with the kids and not your responsibility to maintain, just make sure yours is solid.

Again the setup with family support was exactly how it was for me. I cant tell you what a relief it was to tell my family. Huge difference, as there is no conflict of interest. His family will always be his, you can maintain a neutral relationship with them for the kids. I no longer speak to Mil about my h, only about me and the kids. It works well, neutral and respectful.

Ah the tv thing, same here....we have a no gadget rule during the week, so when h is here and gadgets come out i just collect them all at the end of the day.

Dejavu is D and there is life after D, im 5 months in and H hasnt filed yet and im alive and well and enjoying life.

Do i want us to recon, if he is willing to change and go through his crisis then yes of course, i dont want you to think that im doing well because i dont care anymore, i simply accepted the situation.