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I do have to say the anger is good in a way. Gave me the energy to turn things around. I have stopped harboring hate...maybe I am moving towards forgiveness.


There use to be a lady here by the name of Vanilla. She had been in an abusive MR, and later she would say that getting angry was good.......b/c it gave her courage, instead of fear. I saw the same sitch with my sister. After her wayward, abusive spouse left her for OW......she got angry......good and angry! She would tell me that she wanted him to suffer. Thankfully, she was able to move on with her life and doesn't focus on him and the past. She didn't become a prisoner to watching him, and hoping he'd pay for how he treated her. Actually, she is much, much happier now. And guess what? It didn't take another man to make her happy. She did it all on her own.

I believe forgiveness comes from our own volition. It has nothing to do with whether or not the offender deserves forgiveness. It has nothing to do with whether or not the offender asks for our forgiveness. It can't be earned by the offender. It really has nothing to do with the other person, nor the sin they've committed. Forgiveness is an act of grace.

Sounds simple, but it's not so easy when lives have been altered as a result of another person's actions. Based on years of personal observation, most people need time to process the trauma and raw emotions. Even if they understand that forgiveness is for their own sake, they just can't match it with their current feelings. Some people seek spiritual/professional help to get through this passage of time, while others can work through it alone. I've personally seen individuals hold onto so much bitterness, nobody wanted to be around them. These are the ones who wouldn't let go of the wrong done to them. They kept the pain fresh and refused to move forward.

For whatever my words are worth, I encourage you to be kind to yourself. Give yourself some time to process everything. If you need help, then get it. The lessons we learn from life can be very painful. Whatever wisdom you gain from this experience......don't waste it.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!