Originally Posted by DejaVu6
DonH... that “you deserve what you get” comment came across as a bit mean and angry. Hopefully that’s not how you meant it.

I also said "I don’t ever want to see anyone get used or hurt" Certainly not trying to be mean. Not really angry - frustrated perhaps? But I stand by it. If it's pretty much unanimous that everyone says, "Don't jump out of that plane without a parachute" yet the person chooses to do just that anyhow, well, then they deserve what they get. I'd never want to see anyone plummet to their death, but it's not like they were not warned. They were told it was a bad idea and still went ahead with it. In my mind, they deserve what they get.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
2. Opinions are only being offered based on what it is I write. As we all know, there are lots of interactions and information we leave out so there is never a full picture..

This is both very accurate and very telling. Most certainly there is no way to provide every single piece of information. That's understood. However, if anyone chooses to tell all the good parts and leave out the bad, well, it's really hard to help anyone then. There is no way we can know everything that is going on, but from what you have told us, you took a huge risk and still are. It may be turning out great, so far. Then again, as you yourself said, we only know the parts you are telling us.

To me something just doesn't seem right about all of this. Just way, way, way too much drama for my tastes before really even getting anywhere. Planning a future or talking about it and doing the things that has been done screams of some of the 90-Day Fiance shows I've seen. As I've said, from my view, much of it reads like high school or college antics - and that's coming from a guy in his 50s who very admittedly rarely acts his age.

As for the whole "Benefit of the doubt" thing. I know I've spoken about this in the past. There was a book written around this very topic that was on the NY Times Best Seller list when it came out some 7 or 8 years ago. The assertion was that to give anyone the benefit of the doubt is crazy. It's an outdated model that may have worked 50 plus years ago but just doesn't work today - especially in the past few years. Instead what you do is watch carefully. See if words match actions. Collect a lot of data and then make an informed decision. No one is owed the benefit of the doubt. That is something that is earned. There is just something really odd going on here - if even he needs to get some new friends. If drunken buddies of mine did what he is claiming these guys did, they would no longer be buddies of mine. Again, it would be rare they would even be my friends in the first place as I chose very carefully there as well. Again, it's maybe something your college buddies might do - and then totally apologize for. It's just odd. His actions are odd. Your response was at least a bit over the top. From my view I can't help but think, wow, if drama like this is going on in the first weeks, what in the heck will happen in the ensuing months and perhaps years? It's amazing how if we watch closely, we will see that the behaviors we observe right out of the gate, are often what we see down the road. People will very often reveal who they are early on - if only we'll listen. Instead, we give them "the benefit of the doubt" for actions we know from the get go are sketchy.

I of course hope this all works out for you. Just because it's not for me or KML or Dawn doesn't mean it's not for you or may not work out for you. The risk is just too high from what I see and if this plays out and you tell us honestly what happens, I'll be shocked if what happened a week or two ago is not repeated before very long - or more info is not learned.

Originally Posted by DejaVu6
My sister is thrilled. She wants me off the dating sites...lol. Says it is exhausting to go through it with me. As long as she is happy...lol laugh

Very interesting statement. Likely more evidence of patterns and trends of the types of guys you fall for? Hopefully you'll watch closely and collect data. It's already been a wild ride and you're only one meeting in.


DonH
Midwest
Me 56
WAW-EXW 55
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D