Hi Rachel. Reading your posts took me right back to my BD three years ago. I remember all too well being where you are at. My H was living a secret life...did not admit to an OW until they were literally engaged..shortly after we finalized a legal separation agreement.

Iím not sure what advice to give you other than what people have said. Focus on you. No R talks. Be happy and busy whenever you see him and above all, fake it until you make it. I faked it for a long time and forced myself to get out even when I only felt like lying in my room with my covers over my head. It was really hard but it did get easier over time. Eventually, I wasnít faking it anymore.

I remember the morning I woke up and he wasnít the first thing I thought of...and when I went to bed for the first time and he wasnít the last thing I thought of. Or the first morning he came to pick up my daughter for tutoring and I was so busy getting ready in my room I actually forgot he was coming. Those were such milestone moments for me and when I finally started to believe there might actually be a life out there for me that didnít involve being married to him. If you work at it, you will have those milestone moments as well.

I donít know if you will reconcile with your H. But I do know that if you do, it will probably be a lot further down the road than you care to imagine. This is why it is so important to focus on you and getting your life together without him. If he does come back, you will be a better version or yourself and in a good position to build a new MR. But if he never comes back, you will still be further ahead because even though you wonít have saved your marriage, you will have saved yourself. Btw... Iíve been officially divorced for nine months now and I can tell you with absolute certainty that there IS life after divorce and it can be a really, really good one. (((HUGS)))


Me 51
H 46
B/G Twins 11
SD19
Legal SA - January 2019
Divorce filed - June 2019
Divorce final - November 2019

Together 14 years
Married 12 years
BD1 - May 2014
BD2 - September 14, 2018