Hey Core!

First, thanks for all you posts on this forum!
Second, sorry it has come to this! We all have our hopes somewhere.

I cant go back but it is unfortunate for me to have to live with this. Yes its my own doing.

Throw all you guilt out the window! You never wanted this and you have NOT created this sitch.
You have done more then enought to be able to say that you did waht you could to save the marriage!
I think later on you will be happy you were the one to file. It is the ultimate way of putting you foot down. I was a bit fast to D but like other have said, it does not prevent R. Today I am actually really happy I was the one to do it.

my kids chances of a complete family and stable future.

Not sure you mean "forever" here but this is actually wrong. So long as you remain their rock (see below) their future will most probably be MORE stable because of this. Not the other way around.

I understand what you are saying about forgiveness. Maybe you dont have to use that word for it. Personally I am not sure I will ever forgive the actions of my WW. For me its more about letting go and accepting things that have happend.
What my W did is always going to WRONG and not acceptable in my book. So like IW said I will never say it to her face but I will accept the fact that all this happened and let it go. Otherwise I will be angry about what she did for the rest of my life. If that is called forgiveness, so be it. But I need it to be able to move on completely, and so do you.
If not for you, do it for you kids!

Me: 34
Stbxw: 30
D:5 D:3
Mini bd: May/June 2019
Married: Aug 2019
BD: 6th Dec 2019
OM Confirmed: Feb 2020
March 2020: I filed for D
Waiting for D to be finalized and W to move out end of January 2021