Hey Core -

I wanted to touch on something from your last thread -

Originally Posted by Core

IW, good point on forgiveness. Something I'll look in to more. I don't want to forgive someone whom isnt seeking forgiveness but I know that only hurts me.

You don't forgive someone if they ask for forgiveness. That's a transactional affair. If I do X, you'll do Y.

You forgive someone for YOU. You do it to give yourself peace of mind. You do it because it will let the other person go, it will free the other person to attempt.to find their own happiness, because that is what every WAS is searching for, in the end.

I don't mean forgiveness as in some sort of spoken monologue or dramatic conversation with W. I mean you forgive her in your mind, in your heart. No words are necessary. That is what I mean when I speak of forgiveness.

The reason I say this to you is because you have young kids together. D or not, you are going to have to figure out a way to coparent with this person. You are going to have to figure out how to communicate with this person in a way that doesn't negatively affect or involve the children. And you're going to have to do this for a long time. Hence the marathon part.

Originally Posted by Core
The principle bugs me, you did X hurting all of us yet are facing almost no repercussions.

I understand, Core, that you're hurt and you need to take the time to process all of it. That's fine and well within your rights.

My F cheated on my M multiple times at the end of their disastrous 15 year MR. My M grew furious at him and took it out on us kids. My F in turn did the same thing - and they spent the next 2 decades fighting and haggling in courts over things that two sane people could have talked out in simple cordial 5 minute discussions.

My M never forgave my F. My F never forgave my M. It's nearly 40 years later and they're still furious at each other and they remind me every time I talk to them.

Each has been remarried several times. But to M and F, it is as if it happened yesterday. And it had an enormous impact on us kids - having a helping hand in sabotaging 3 out of 4 of my siblings' and mine long term relationships due to developmental impediments.

Core - look, I know you're angry and hurt, but please don't do that to your kids, ok? Be the rock, be the strong one, be the bigger person.

Soapbox rant over.

Take care, man - stay strong.