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Recap: Spent 10 months post BD working on myself and the M in different ways. Finally had enough after finding W was name calling me, lying to friends about me and what I thought was lying about going to counseling. I filed for D, we are in the process and I continue to experience some guilt, disappointment and regret along with happiness and hope for my future.
Updates: It turns out, W was going to counseling, albeit late and missed a few sessions. Her apparently skipping counseling and lying about it was one of my final straws which convinced me to file. With her actually going, I'm left being hasty and feeling like the bad guy. Of course Ive no idea what she was working on in counseling however it could've been towards fixing the M. Either way those days are gone. I think back to LHs advice...maybe I should've had that last chat with my W before filing. Im sure it wouldve still been full of manipulation and gaslighting but I'd have more peace. Im still convinced D is best for me here however if she was working on her issue, maybe the D isnt what was best for the family. I cant go back but it is unfortunate for me to have to live with this. Yes its my own doing. I based it partially on incorrect information. W did say she was thinking about filing as well but I believe nothing she says. It may have just been something to make herself feel better for being discarded or it was the truth. Not being able to trust the former love of my life for the rest of my life helps me regret it all a bit less.
Add this to the number of things I won't have answers for. I am left to wonder, was my neglectful, betraying W actually working on things? I saw no positive signs yet but they only had a few sessions of counseling. I'm not going to cancel the process or anything along those lines. Another challenge here to overcome on my journey to being a better man. Im still on the quick path to D and never remarrying. I just dont see the point in 2020.
H37, W37 D4, S2 ILYBNILWY 9/19 BD 9/19 EA discovered 10/19 Currently in limbo, no D or S process initiated