So my point being, after a very long winded post, - LH19 made posted a great insight into resentment and I’m curious as to what people think - is it always the loss of respect that breaks down boundaries and causes them to cheat ? .. Or can resentment be enough to push a person over the edge – does the resentment eventually cause a lack of respect?
MrBrside you are becoming one of my favorite posters. To answer your question I think the two can be exclusive. I think you can resent someone and still respect them. I would argue in my case that my ex wife resented/resents me but still respected/respects me.
I think resentment can be enough to cause them to cheat. When resentment builds and you are dealing with a conflict avoidant divorce is usually the outcome. Resentment is the most toxic of all emotions to an intimate relationship.
One thing you can know for sure is that if you don’t try to address the resentment, it won’t go away by itself. Resentment is a cancer that metastasizes and eventually makes it impossible for a healthy relationship to survive.
Another problem is resentment can build from things you have no control over. For an example, it was brought to my attention by my counselor that because of our different personality traits (enneagram) it likely caused resentment. I have a "life of the party" trait and my ex is more introverted. Hence we would go to a party and everyone would happier to see me then her because of my ability to make people laugh. Ironically, it's one of the reasons she was attracted to me in the first place. But after 24 years it lost it's luster and it wasn't so funny anymore. I was talking to this divorced girl who is an introvert and her husband worked alone as a surveyor. Because he was alone all day when he came home he wanted to talk to somebody. Well because she was an introvert she wanted to be left alone to recharge after working all day. She resented him for wanting to talk after work. Sounds crazy right?
Lack of respect IMO is formed more in how a man handles their business. A man who can't make a decision. A man who doesn't follow through on his word. A man who is willing to share his wife with another man. A man who doesn't take care of his body, dress, grooming. A man who doesn't protect his family Etc.
M:51 W:46 T:22 M:16 S:15 D:11
“Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you and stay.”- Will Smith