This is a continuation from my last update in Part 7.
So while December looked hopeful, the New Year brought WW back to the forefront. W chose to spend NYE with divorced BFF rather than our family. I left her alone for much of January and February and stopped inviting her to events. The roller coaster continued as she distanced herself. She went to see an IC a couple of times, but didn’t share what was discussed and I didn’t ask.
We were at S9’s flag football game in late February and when I walked over to her I saw that she was texting OM3. I decided that enough was enough. I was no longer going to live in an open marriage. The next day I presented the draft D settlement to her. I was done with all of this and she knew it.
A week later she came to me in tears and started a 2 hour R talk. There a lot of details in this conversation that I may share at some point. A few highlights are that she started listening to an affair audiobook that I had sent her and that she wishes someone could just tell her what to do. I asked if she was still in contact with OM3. She said yes. She said he reached back out to her. She said he is the polar opposite of me and is ruled by emotions. She said she knows she has no future with him. She knows that no contact is required and she said the only way she could go cold turkey is to do something that would make him never want to contact her again. I asked what would that be. She said getting back together with you. She said she knows I don’t have empathy for him but she feels that he is suicidal. W asked if she could have another month. I didn’t answer directly. I told her that I don’t trust her, that I don’t trust her not to hurt me again.
I thought about it for a couple days and decided to give her the month. After all, what was another month? It would put us at 17 months to the day post-BD and just over a year living apart. I never told her I was giving her the month and continued to live my life the way I wanted. Then the Coronavirus happened.
In mid-March W texts: “Hey there are rumors that we will be on lockdown soon. I feel bad asking, but can I stay there if that happens. So we are all together? Horse, kids and all?” I replied “It would be nice to be all together again.” There was not much talk about it in the weeks that followed, then the lockdown order was given.
In early April, (1 year and 3 days after moving out), W came home and has been living in the guest bedroom.
W has been staying at our house for a week. We are both working remotely out of our home and assisting our kids with virtual school during the day. She goes back to her place every couple days to change out her clothes. She’s brought some food over. At times it feels like we are a family. She cleans, trims the bushes, and helps with meals. Then goes to sleep alone. No physical contact, no explanation on what this means for us or what the future holds. I don’t ask and try not to pressure.
W definitely has not moved back in. She has told me a few times in the past that she wouldn’t come back and leave again, that she couldn’t do that to the kids. So, I don’t know what this is. I’m just going with it. Feels good to be with the kids everyday and have them here, in their home.
Two nights ago, she went back to her place to get clothes and pickup a package. She was gone for several hours. When she returned later that night she was visibly distraught. She said she had dinner with a couple that was a mutual acquaintance. The H has a psychology background and she said she was discussing a moral dilemma with him. I asked if there was anything she wanted to share with me. She replied not now, but soon. I said okay and probably had a look of displeasure on my face as I walked away. About 15 minutes later I heard her sniffling in the kitchen as she was preparing Easter eggs to color with the kids. I walked up to her and said come here and gave her a long hug. She immediately squeezed me tight and started crying lightly. I said when you’re ready to tell me, I’m here.
I came back to the board now because I need some help. Something strange is going on and I could use some advice. Two days ago I started receiving texts from an unknown number. The texts identify OM1 (co-worker) and OM3 (foul mouthed scum bag) by name and offer to provide their contact information. They say that W has not been honest with me, urge me to ask her the truth about them, and claim to have pictures. They refer to “we” have this information. I ask if I know them. They replied it doesn’t matter much. I asked if anyone is in danger. They replied absolutely not. The texts have continued indicating that OM1 sent a few pictures out to “trusted” people and that W didn’t honor her end of the deal. They say let us know when you want the numbers and pictures.
I have not shared any of this with my W, what should I do about this?
Me:41 W:39 S:9 D:6 T:20 M:16 PA:8/22/18, BD:11/6/18 PA discovery & IHS:12/3/18, W moves:4/2/19 R’ville:9/27/19, I give D docs:3/1/20 W home:4/5/20 (due to CV-19), W NC w/OM:4/13/20 6/1/20