Been trying to be inspired that my H who is in MLC will eventually wake up. I know our sitch is different, but seeing how you are confronting your issues with your W is inspiring. Leaning in to the pain we have experienced and also how we have failed in the marriage will help whether it works out or not. I am early days yet in my journey (BD 11/4/19 and figured out he is in MLC on 2/15/20 after he was trying and then decided to stop all together. Still in home, but no physical contact and only civil- roommate kind of contact ILYBNILY conversation multiple times. Don't talk about R at all).
As they say in MLC forum, this is a marathon and not a sprint. I think they say this here too. Either way, I know that even if I did ever got into a new relationship, which I can't see ever doing if this doesn't work, that all R's take work. And knowing now what can happen after 21+ years of marriage, then I would be working on it from the gate and not waiting until the H had MLC or I did.
Anyway, back to you... keep up the great work. Be kind to yourself and stay in touch with what you need and what she needs. We did Rvaille back in december 2019. It helped, but then we quit doing a lot of the daily work as he didn't want to and it all went to sh!t. So Now I am working on me and detaching... I think the big thing about detaching is getting to know and love yourself so you are coming into any relationship- whether with spouse or a new person- as a whole and complete and happy human being. That is what I am trying to do anyway. Blessings!
W (me): 50 H: 46 M: 21 T: 25 S:17 D:15 BD 11/2019
Fate whispers to the warrior, "You can not withstand the storm" And the warrior whispers back, "I am the storm." ~Unknown