XH bailed me up at kid changeover this afternoon. Fortunately I had already gotten S2 inside and spoke to XH through the locked screen door. I wasnít able to keep from engaging, but I stayed calm in the face of his outrageous claims.

- I will be reported for spreading lies and slander (I said if itís good enough to do it, itís good enough to talk about it)
- Iím punishing him for leaving because Iím jealous and bitter (I said please read my email where I said I donít wish you any ill will and Iím not interested in revenge)
- Heís with someone now but he didnít leave me for her (I said great, if you guys are in love then be together and be open about it)
- He didnít cheat or have an affair, and what even defines cheating? (I said umm, when you leave your wife to sleep with someone else)
- He left me because I was super controlling and never let him make one decision in eight years (I said I donít remember our life that way and his opinion always mattered to me)
- I left the marriage first because I asked to go to marriage counselling in December 2018 (I said that I was trying to fix things to make us happy again because I didnít want to model a broken marriage for S2)
- He has been more than fair to me in the settlement and everything heís done has been out of concern for me (I said I have a different definition of fair and that if he had any concern for me he wouldnít have cheated and abandoned me)
- I lied about my mortgage preapproval being affected by his car loan to force him to refinance sooner (I said I didnít lie about anything sand went with the advice of my lawyer and mortgage broker)
- I wonít give him overnight visits because Iím trying to get as much child support as possible from him (I said my only concern was S2ís well-being and that I am willing to work with him to gradually increase his parenting time)
- I lied to the child support agency about my income to get more child support (I said they calculated based on both our tax returns last year and that it wasnít possible to falsify government records)
- My lawyer is just as manipulative as I am (I said she is just doing her job)
- He did tell me his address when he moved and I must have forgotten and should write these things down (no response, in shock at this bald-faced lie)
- And yet, he DIDNíT tell me his address because he was afraid I would come and smash up his house after I apparently keyed his car (no response, just wtf to this whole ridiculous comment)
- I am abusive because I swore at him (I asked when? He said like four words ago. I asked what did I say? He said he canít remember)
- Heís not a jerk to everyone, just to me (I said I donít believe Iíve done anything to deserve that treatment)
- Calling me a bitch, threatening me to take me to court and lose my house, taking S2 from my arms, and taunting me to hit him was not abusive (I said my lawyer and psychologist disagree)
- I am playing the abuse trump card to prevent him from seeing S2 (I said I have never prevented you from seeing him and I could make access a lot harder if that was my angle)
- He and I both know that I donít have a clear conscience and I should stop saying I have nothing to hide (I said I do have a clear conscience and nothing to hide)

In the end, I got fed up and said that he seems to think Iím obsessed with him when all I want to do is get away and move on. He said that he wants to do the same. I said well, leave then! He scampered away to his car and I was a bit petty and yelled out that he was a cheater and that he should own his bad behaviour. He then told me I was abusive for saying so.

Kind of a masterclass in gaslighting, blameshifting and projection, no?


W32
X30
S2

June 2019 | Runaway husband
May 2020 | Legal separation
Xmas 2020 | Divorce hearing