Thanks for sharing your feelings Scout. It's difficult when outside sources stir the emotions, isnt it.
I hear what you're saying but nah, that's pretty much all on him Scout. What sort of man demands sex after his wife, the mother of his child, has given birth, especially in your circumstances post birth. I'm kind of unsurprised he didn't volunteer to do more, or sleep elsewhere when Xbox became the priority. I think from what you've said here you really, really went above and beyond.
You're no vending machine, and even if you were, sounds to me like XH was substituting the coins he was putting in for those worthless copper game arcade tokens.
How's GAL? How's S2 - any nice milestones? How'd the date go you went on the other week? Future dates with him on the horizon?
Thanks DS. I have to be fair to XH - he wasn't overtly demanding, he was not an ogre, he never forced himself on me. The pressure and manipulation was subtle.
He didn't do more because he didn't get anything out of it. Parenting, family life, marriage all require sacrifice without expectation of reward, and it just became tiresome to him. This man hesitated when I asked him if he regretted becoming a father. That says it all, really. He didn't do more because there was nothing in it for him. No joy.
My life is very rich and full now. I'm still investing time and effort in redecorating my home. Work is productive and fulfilling. I couldn't ask for better, deeper friendships. Dating is fun, but I LOVE (and prefer) being on my own.
S2 is the best little kid. I'm putting a lot of effort into developing his emotional intelligence. He is now able to verbalise his feelings (sad, angry, scared, tired) and recognise the appropriate action (ask for help, ask for a cuddle, take a deep breath, try again, have a rest). His daycare educators told me he is the most well-adjusted kid in his class of 2-3 year olds, and that you would never know there was any familial conflict. That made me feel so proud. There have been long periods of time over the past nine months where I have wanted to end my life, and been unable to take care of myself, but I've never faltered in taking care of S2.
I recently read a comment from Jerry Seinfeld about wanting to spend 'garbage time' with his kids, rather than quality time. Garbage time = the random nights where they want to stay up and eat a bowl of cereal after dinner for no reason. Walking past their room while your doing laundry and seeing the elaborate Lego setup they built. Driving them to school and hearing the plot of the latest Marvel movie for the tenth time. That's what I want, and that's something XH will never see as precious or valuable.
This comment got a bit long, so I'll respond to the others in a separate comment.
W32 X30 S2
June 2019 | Runaway husband May 2020 | Legal separation Xmas 2020 | Divorce hearing