Submitting to unwanted sex in order to please him never felt right, but maybe I should have done that to keep him happy. I was of the opinion that sex is something you do with, not for, your partner. But maybe I am wrong. He was never able to express how he felt about it, other than petulance and blame, which made me feel guilty and defensive. I explained many times that you cannot pour from an empty cup, and that I needed more emotional support from him without the expectation it would lead to sex. As the saying goes, women are not vending machines that you put niceness coins in until sex falls out.
Your Ex shouldíve been more understanding about PPD. I mean, the pregnancy and becoming a mother alone mess with a womanís body and brain enough without PPD already!
I donít know about other women, but I remember for awhile I was really having conflicting feelings about my body after becoming a mom. Forgive me for being forward here- my nipples- are they for pleasure or for breastfeeding?? I felt like a cow constantly breastfeeding my baby but I somehow needed to figure out how to switch to ďsexy wifeĒ mode after the baby is full? How are we supposed to know this stuff??
But with that said, I also believe that sometimes you do it with your partner just to do it. We donít have enough candle light dinners to set the mood first, and with a high drive partner sometimes it just needs to happen. Now looking back at my own M I feel like part of what went wrong is I didnít examine the situation hard enough. (And I didnít know how) I felt like I was trying so hard to match my Hís drive but it was so exhausting for me. And it was disappointing for both of us because he didnít want to feel like I was forced, and I didnít want him to feel like itís still not enough. I think the key is to figure out WHY- why didnít I want to have sex with this man? What is missing for me? Basically shifting the focus to myself instead of him.
And also obviously it takes two to tango. Thereís lots of things husbands can do to help plant the seeds for the flowers to bloom instead of focusing on ďpoor me, I am not getting enough sex.Ē
Donít beat yourself up for whatís in the past. We all have room for improvements. But I think your H wins that one, he needs A LOT of work.
BD: Sep 2019 H moved out: Oct 2019 3 kids under 12