Hey Scout

I'm sorry about all this mess you're in at the moment. I really am. It [censored] doesn't it. You're a strong woman though - I'd argue one of the strongest on this forum, and that's not taking away anything whatsoever from any of the other ladies here on the forum.

By the way, you've had some fantastic advice from a couple of the ladies here.

Can I be blunt and say that until you get your L to write a letter about changeover and what you will do if he's late, it will likely continue happening and you'll keep getting frustrated over and over. He's playing you with this. Your second paragraph describing your reasons for getting peeved hit home for me, as I share this type of mindset in almost mirror image, and its so, so tough to break isn't it. I'm wondering if there's a female equivalent of no more mr nice guy you could read.

I get it about editing your lawyers letters. Just remember the fees are clocking over each time that happens. Let your lawyer handle it but get drafts for approval first before they go out.

If its becoming overwhelming, put a brake on things for the next few days or weeks, unless your L says its urgent. You drive the pace and momentum, not XH. It really sounds like you need to just pause, breathe, and regather your strength.

Indemnifying you means nothing, unless it's in an Order, and even then, the lender won't care if the XH defaults. 2 weeks to refinance sounds good - maybe 28 days even. Failing which, the car is sold and proceeds to the lender, with any outstanding amount to be settled by him within a short timeframe - no loose ends he can manipulate ok. It's disquieting that he was untruthful about refinancing. Ask your L for advice about whether you should contact the lender direct to advise of separation and ensure they have his address for billing purposes.

Think deeply about whether XH has the capacity, commitment and intent to commence Court over your S. From what you've told us, he sounds like a paper tiger who is calling your bluff. Push the fear of this to the side in your mind - I used to visualise a huge hand, pushing all the crap to the side, away and behind me.

What is the retaliation you fear? I had fear of retaliation too - bigtime. I actually had the biggest fear of just upsetting my XW. I realised a lot of it was bravado. I think your XH is the same.

Sounds like you've got a good lawyer whose got your back. Your friends on the forum have got your back too Scout. Is seeking an urgent IC appointment an option for you?

Keep us posted with how you're doing and feeling. Definitely speak to your lawyer about pausing to settle things within yourself. You're no good as a client if you cant make the best decisions for you and your son. He's relying on you to be in the best possible state to make the best possible decision.

Chin up Scout - you got this. Tap deeper into those reserves of courage, strength and resolve we all know you have. You may feel like you're on the last smelly vapours of your reserve tank, but there's always a little bit left.

Cheers, DS

Last edited by DS9; 02/19/20 04:24 AM.

Me: early 40's
XW: nearly 50
T: 15
M: 5
BD: Jan 19
S:10 SS: 22 SD: 24