Good Morning scout

Donít sweat the small stuff.

The half an hour late is aggravating, and not to the agreement. I get that.

Originally Posted by scout12
This has been an issue for the past nine months and I am tired of it. This person does not and will not respect anything except tangible consequences. I AM FED UP.

You know STBXH is irresponsible, flaky, Swiss cheese memory, and purposely provoking you. He knows your buttons to press. Do not reinforce his poor behaviour. The more you show your displeasure and push back the more he will act out. What in his recent behaviour would lead you to think otherwise?

Expectations are tricky. You are both expecting him to be on time and late. You will be resentful no matter what.

Is S2 being dropped off in healthy, happy, and in clean condition? Did STBXH ever get a diaper bag, bottles, etc...? Did he step up a bit?

Boundaries regarding S2ís welfare you should enforce. However, sometimes it can be chalked up to differences in parenting style. I do admit I am looking a bit forward here, like what Dad feeds son is different than what you want him to feed son. As long as S is feed, happy, clean, and safe, donít sweat the small stuff.

You know you cannot count on H right now. You can only control you. If you need S2 back at a certain time, make other arrangements. Never let H know he is getting to you. He might tire of this game of his without your reactions. He may not, but itís worth a shot. It also is good for you. You donít need the stress.

How about:

Me: Hi. Did you guys have a good time?

STBXH: uh, yes. (wondering why you arenít jumping on him for being late)

Me: S2 certainly looks like he had a good time. Thank you for changing his diaper. (or whatever else may have been done - sometimes one has to look pretty hard for positive behaviours to reinforce)

Me: What did you guys do?

I suspect there (eventually) would be some banter back and forth regarding S2ís actives. Be cordial.

Me: See you next <scheduled time>. Good bye.

STBXH: Bye.


With a few interactions like that perhaps you can modify things for the better. Remember STBXH is like a rebellious teenager, and something that doesnít get a response, and they usually want an immediate response, will be dropped pretty quick.

There is a goof in my building who would turn up the radio in my office and then wait by the door for me to get upset like all the other people he does it too. (The radio is piped throughout the building and the volume controls are in a separate room). I never took the bait. Iíd keep working while he waited and peeked. In minutes heíd burst into my office admitting he turn up the radio and commenting on how loud it is. He needed his feedback. I gave nothing. Three times and he stopped. He hasnít touched my radio volume in a long time, otherís he still cranks up. There was just no fun in it with me.

You cannot control STBXH, but you can certainly take the wind out of sails.

Donít sweat the small stuff.

DnJ


Current
Me52 XW49 S23 S22 S19 D18

Oct 8/17-BD, Moves in w/OM, Leaves Kids
Me49 W46 S20 S19 S16 D15
M26 T29
Dec 9/17-Legal Separation
Oct 3/18-W Files
Apr 6/19-Divorced

I may give up, but not today.