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OK, I *think* we've reached a new stage. W promises she has removed OM from her life and hasn’t talked to him for a few weeks now. She says she separated from me for a different reason though - unhappiness. And she maintains the A was a mistake that was over before I found out and was going to stay swept under the rug when she was ready to try again. She says she is trying to feel happy and ‘get the spark back’. She’s still quite defensive and feels bad about being monitored/checked up on and we haven’t got to the stage of formal R requirements yet. She turned on a phone tracker after the A came out but I’ve removed that as it wasn’t helpful and I think she saw it as me being needy and obsessed with tracking her (wasn’t the case). After turning it off she said I instantly became more desirable. It was perhaps too soon for sharing to that level without any/enough healing. She said she would look at MC but hasn't materialised yet.
We’ve been having more communication and she’s been checking in with me with what she’s doing/where she is etc, I think in an attempt to build trust but also get our communication back. She would be messaging OM all the time so I feel like she could be plugging that hole with me to some extent (as well as other friends). She’s stayed over a few nights but says she is finding all the emotion overwhelming and she’s wondering whether we can ‘get the spark back’. I think she will want to stay over every couple of nights for a while, like when we were dating. I’ve detached and am giving her space to sort her feelings out. I also feel I’m being too available and being unavailable breeds desire right? She says she wants us to feel ‘together’ more than anything. I think I need to detach more.
I know that I know nothing, and she could have taken OM underground which is keeping her stressed, highly strung and emotional; which would explain everything. On the other hand she could be just going through guilt, withdrawal, coming to terms with everything from the last month and putting pressure on herself to make our M work which would also explain everything. I think right now I need to continue GAL, being attractive and apply no pressure. Right now she can come and go as she pleases, which I have let happen because I think it’s better for her to be at home. Part of me thinks it’s a waiting game, I think I need to exercise the idea someone said on the prev thread - keep the driveway clear but don’t go down to the bottom of the drive and pick her up.