I don't know if H rewrote history or if I was really as awful as he says I was. Yes I am mentally ill but I still bent myself into a pretzel trying to get him to love me, to have fun, to do things but what I got was a guy who acted like I was bothering him. This made me angry then he got to turn it around and say "see it's your fault". It was always either my fault or an excuse. I was so in love and deeply codependent that I accepted whatever crumb he offered me.
He cooked an actual meal last night. S19 was there and D14 said it smelled funny (she ate with me). I laughed because I have that recipe and it's over 40 years old. This recipe is online and I'm sure they are all great but it's not the same as what I have.