Truth - he IS suffering. Sadly he’s also inflicting his suffering on his family as well, but trust me: if you had the choice to be you or him in this scenario, you’re much better off being you.
Don’t buy into the gaslighting. Even if you were the perfect wife, he’d find something to use as an excuse. One woman in her was 5’8” and like 130 lbs - her H told her she was too fat! My ex told me I walked too heavy - and worse than that, had taught our daughter to walk too heavy! (No, I don’t have a weird gait),
And if he’s doing things with her that he never did with you, well, isn’t she going to be surprised when he stops wanting to do them? Because if he actually liked doing those things he’d have done them a long time ago.
I know you’ve got a lot of responsibility in your shoulders - but this is also your time to find YOU. The you who is brave, creative, capable of great friendships and great love. Make a vision board and dream some dreams.