I don't want him back I just don't want him to be happy at least not right now. Right now I want him to suffer like I am.
You already know this, but as much as you can, try to work out these thoughts.
Anger is a form of attachment. My ex texted me a few days ago she'd won something in a partner sport she and I had always competed in together. Flash of anger--was I that easy to replace?! Why are you texting me this--I don't look at your FB feed for a reason?! Then.. shh.. let is settle. No reply. Focus on life. That woman exists as my partner only in past stories.
May'19 - Girlfriend of 2yrs left. Aug'19 - We became a "broken" couple (I needed validation, she screamed). Dec'19 - We gave up and went NC. Mar'20 - I've changed and she's eager for MC and us again.