It WILL get better, kas. Like pretty much everyone else who comes on these forums, I was devastated at first. Could never remember feeling so low and desperate. Would break down in tears regularly and spontaneously (and I am a fairly "strong/masculine" guy, FWIW). Often enough that it was sometimes a struggle to hide it from my boys. But, eventually, that started to fade. As I moved forward and improved myself, became active and found things to live for other than my wayward spouse, those episodes became progressively less, and I started feeling ever better, more confident, and joyful. Both faith and fitness played a HUGE role in that dynamic-- faith for obvious reasons and fitness because I have found that it is nearly impossible to feel down/sorry-for-yourself when you are sweating and the blood is pumping and the endorphins are working during a good workout. By the time the second BD rolled around (and not even really a "BD", was actually just me discovering her continued contact with OM) I was hurt and sad, yes, since i had started to believe we were truly piecing, but, MORE than those emotions, I was angry and disgusted, and completely ready to jettison her and move on with my own life (which had become pretty darned good by that point).

And lest you say "Oh, well, he got to piecing, which is why he felt better", I would tell you that i got to that better place WELL before it looked like my WW would turn to piecing... such that when that "false start" fell apart, it was not nearly as devastating as when she first BD'd me. In fact, it was not devastating at all.

You need to get to that place where you feel good about YOU... you're cheating spouse be d@mned. And it CAN and WILL happen.... but you do need to put some effort in it to achieve maximum effect.

Last edited by job; 01/24/20 05:57 PM. Reason: edited language

H53/W51, R-ing 4/'18

"Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires"-Sg.of Sg 2:7

"So oftentimes it happens,that we live our lives in chains, & we never even know we have the key"-Eagles III 1:3