Just wanted to say hang in there. You know you are doing the right thing for yourself and your family. Good job reaching back out to the L even though it wasn't what you probably wanted to do in that moment.
It is OK to be feeling what you're feeling. It is unfair and especially because it is affecting the kids this way. But you CAN control you, and giving your kids the support they need during this awful time is exactly what. Don't worry about him and what he is or isn't doing-- you are a great mom, you are there for your kids, and they know it. Keep that up.
Me (45) H (41) M:13 T:17, D8 & D10 4/19 BD #1 ILYB 8/19 BD #2 Long-distance EA 12/19 BD #3 Actually 2 year PA 2-5/20 R attempt #1 6-7/20 limbo again, back in contact with AP 8/20-present R attempt #2