Originally Posted by OS2
Should I be approaching things any differently now things are beginning to turn or should I be sticking to my guns and continue DB'ing?


Steve kind of nailed it on his response grin Just keep Sandi's rules in mind. You don't want to be cold and indifferent, but you want to continue your "loving" detachment.

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I'm still fun, GAL etc but I'm engaging in more and more conversation because we're both finding that helpful but there is mainly a lot of validation and listening.


I think that's fine. Think of moving towards reconciling as being like turning up a rheostat rather than flipping a switch from off to on. You slowly ramp it up.

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I'm aware OM being cut off may leave an E hole where he has been - should I aim to fill it while she transitions or let her get over it herself?


No, you do not want to try to out-OM the OM. YOU are the better alternative. YOU are the prize. She needs to pursue you and do the work. We always talk about "keeping the way home paved and smooth." Note that we don't say "drive to the end of the road and pick her up and drive her back." She has to make the journey herself, you just make sure you don't leave any roadblocks in her way. Stay detached.

EDIT- this is page 11, time for a new thread! Make a link to this thread in the first post of your new one and post a link to your new thread in your last post in this one.


Last edited by AnotherStander; 01/21/20 07:26 PM.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56