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Quick update. W has deleted her social media and wants to come to see me and formally remove OM communication. She has suggested MC too.
Great, I would suggest you allow it but make it clear to her that this is only one step in the process towards reconciliation, not the only step! As Steve said, she is going to grieve the loss of OM and be tempted to reach out to him again. So the biggest tests are yet to come. Heroin addicts will often say they are done and ready for rehab and they are ready to turn over a new leaf.... right after they've had a hit. But after a day without a hit? Oh then they just need one more hit and THEN they'll be ready for rehab. The longer they go without the worse things get and the more convinced they become that THEY MUST HAVE ONE MORE HIT until they hit bottom and start working on themselves for real. It is much the same recovering from an OP addiction. She needs to go through all that before the recon can really get off the ground.
I’ve asked her to organise it.
Says she is scared of coming back and me not being able to get past it or telling her to leave after trying to take her back.
Don't try to convince her otherwise, she SHOULD be scared! Just listen and validate. "That sounds frustrating, is that how you feel? I can understand why that would be difficult for you to go through."
I’ve said I feel our R is moving too fast given how raw it all is she’s suggested I have some space and we’ll work it out at a more relaxed pace. Positive steps. W says she misses me/us and thinks about me all the time.
Great, all good signs and you are handling things really well. Nice job!
Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26 Current R: 4 years Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56