i read two blogs from people who now make a living helping others and they too wanted to die so I'm not alone in these thoughts. I believe that these thoughts aren't connected to the present I believe they are connected to my past. It's PTSD stuff from my childhood. I'm in IC but I'm told I can't talk my way out of this I have to go through it. I have to take action but it feels like walking through quicksand. I have moments when I laugh and I feel good about myself but they are moments, minutes, sometimes a few hours, I come here begging to be reassured that this won't last forever.