Thank you Steve85, thats really invaluable advice for me at the moment. I instructed her to end it with OM and was tempted to ask for proof but it just seemed too controlling. I made some slip ups when I found out as was emotionally involved of course. W has said she worries I will continue to be controlling (as I tended to be when I found out, and in charge of the house when we were M) given the A so this would act as a 180 for me too probably. It makes a lot of sense taking your approach with that.

I find the detachment remarkable, it really does work. I was distant when I saw her tonight and Im getting meet-up requests, she wants to buy me things and sending me things online tonight.

Thanks for the advice, I will stay detaching and wait for change. Im going abroad next week so will make sure I have a blast and let my hair down.