I am 8 months out and I completely understand. Anger/Bitterness still hits me but each wave I experience is a little bit less. I am so sorry kas because I know that once divorce proceedings start it will feel like the grieving process begins from square one. I try to read and listen to the people who have been at this for a long time and believing that things will get better but I know how hard it is to trust the truth of it.
Your D went quick so I'm aiming to push mine through fast as well. If he drags his feet I'm going to push for a trial date. I already have my witness list prepared. I just want this done.
Today I started thinking about dying again (triggered by a show I was watching at lunch and talking to S19). I'm not going to kill myself but dang this is hard. I just want the pain to stop. I want to feel better.
I don't know about you but the scariest thing for me is when/if I don't have to fight anymore. What happens if he makes the correct changes and starts being a responsible father and the children start to develop a healthy relationship with him. Will you be able to accept that and let the anger and bitterness go? So many times I feel that is the only thing I have left of someone I cared so deeply for and if I let that go there will be nothing left. You have come so far kas stay with it.
lol roosters we are married to the same type selfish people and I'm going to go out on a limb and say that its unlikely our ex's will ever have healthy relationships with our kids. I think my H likes the idea of being a great father more than actually being one. Kids just get in the way of what he wants to do which is make a lot money and screw other women.