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I knew I'd get stick for the way I've handled it over the last couple of days. I just really believe her. She's not that good at lying. She told me about going to OM's to break it off and informed me before she went. When I asked her to never see him again she said she knew she needed to do that and didn't protest. I didn't insist on her doing it remotely because I wanted to allow her to formally end it on her terms so there could be no excuses. She was there about an hour. You're right Steve85 I don't know for certain whether she has complied. Should I be asking her for proof of no numbers or contact with him on her phone? Do you think she is directing attention away from him by concentrating conversation on our marriage and saying he's disposable? I'm sure she knows if I discover that there is likely no way back.
I'm not paying for anything, she is standing on her own.
I think I am a bit confused though yes. Either I am plan B (and she might even be still seeing OM) or at least in no rush to make any decisions or she is genuinely hurt and bruised by the last year where neither of us prioritised each other's happiness and she fears that coming back will revert to more of the same and be good for neither of us. She said last night she worries I will hold this over her, become controlling and boss her around. (I do realise this could be a good deflection technique to persuade me not to ask to see her phone etc because it would suggest I may do that in future)
Do I make demands on seeing her phone and proving there is no contact etc ongoing? Should I detach and then ask for that when she makes contact?