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I hope you have an order for temporary support? If not, your attorney should file one now. Also, don't be "nice" to your H in the negotiations - many people make the mistake of thinking that if they don't ask for too much maybe their ex will come back. You actually want to start by asking for a bit more than what you want so there's negotiating room.


I cancelled the temporary support hearing back in May to "nice" him back so now I had to file for D. Now that I know there is OW, a promotion and 2nd job I'm going for everything (told you he was stupid). My state is a true fault state so I filed with grounds. Without grounds he doesn't have to give me a D. He could just say "no" and drag this out until he was ready.

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As for your job - sounds like you've thought out the pros and cons, a lot to be said for good benefits and a 10 minute commute. Take a look at the Mr Money Mustache website and forum. It's a great place to start thinking about your finances and how to reduce expenses.


My pathetic budget has 10 lines. I'll get more CS and after that ends I'll move to the ghetto. Obviously this all depends on how much alimony I get but I'm bracing for worst case scenario.

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1) IF there is enough money for H to pay you a lump sum rather than alimony


Not enough.

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2) Don't take all your share as equity in the house.


He screwed me over. Talked me into selling the house, helped me get a job then walked out (took 6 months). This was part of our retirement plan (he just bumped it up a few years and I bought it).

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3) Don't forget to get your share of any pension or retirement savings ex accrued during your marriage.


He has a pension that I'm entitled to but it is not subject to ERISA. I'm not sure how that works but like in your case this number dilutes the longer he works. He hasn't been served yet so I'm not to this point yet but I am aware.

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4) Stop thinking this is about you. It seldom is - it's usually about the WAS and THEIR issues. This IS, however, a great time to do a personal inventory, step out of your rut, try something new.


Everything feels like it's about me because as I'm realizing in IC he kept me in the one down position. He "saved me" and since I wasn't grateful or good enough he left. Blamed this all on me and I can't get it out of my head.

Right now, 3 months after largely cutting me off financially and finding out about the OW, I'm struggling to get through the day. I'll do better then I crash. Right now I'm crashing.