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I am not at the point where OS2 is, I hope I get the call someday that my wife wants to move back in and work on our marriage.
I feel like this advice is a bit conflicted. On the one hand you want to be confident and show you are so confident you don't need to check up, but the fact is she lied and cheated on you. So there has to be some transparency from your wife correct?
I always felt like if I were to get to this point one requirement I would have is my wife would need to share all her passwords with me. I wouldn't check up on her all the time, but the ability for me to do so should exist.
So is it just a balancing act of making sure she knows you have a need to regain trust, but also you are confident she has now chosen you and so you need to not be constantly worried about it?
I'm just asking as I sure hope to be where OS2 is at, and I want to be prepared if it ever happens.
js, if you read my sitch you will see that in August my W had a slip up. I found emails that she had exchanged with a guy where they were then meeting up on an online game. She admitted that their conversations had deviated into the inappropriate territory at times.
js, this is where my DBing, right from the get-go this time, went into affect. My handling of this was completely different than it was the last time. I let her know it was unacceptable. That I wasn't willing to share her with other guys, even online. That if she wanted to continue doing that then I didn't want to remain married to her.
Her demeanor was completely different. She was repentant and apologetic (after initial defiance when first confronted). She took all pictures of herself off of the online games. She gave me all passwords to all accounts, left all of her devices unlocked, offered up complete transparency.
My attitude was that I didn't want a W I had to keep an eye on. I didn't want to track her, her devices etc. I was over that.
You see, here is the thing js, if your spouse cheats and lies, and then agrees to full monitoring, are they behaving themselves because they love and want to be with you? Or because the are being watched? We often say that you will know when they are back committed to the MR when their behavior is consistent over a long period of time. You don't have to be tracking them 24/7 to see it.
So if you want a defiant teenager for a W that you constantly have to monitor, then go for it. If you want a W that you can trust, then you will do what AS said and sit back and make them do all of the work.
You'll never be more attractive to your wayward spouse as you are as you are walking away.
M(51), W(52),D(16) M-20, T-23 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017 Ring and Piecing since March 2018