OS2, whatever your was before, she is now a lying cheater. Maybe that will change in the future, but right now that's what she is. She LIES and she CHEATS. Guess what lying cheaters do when caught, they pile more lies on top of the lies. They gaslight. "He's just a friend." "You're paranoid." "There's nothing going on." "Well we were physical once, but it was a mistake and we didn't do it again." She is telling you what she thinks you want to hear, NOT THE TRUTH. She is minimizing her involvement with OM to keep you on as Plan B. Don't believe a word out of her mouth right now. Chances are very good she is in much deeper with OM. If she says they had sex a couple of times, multiply it by 10 or 20. Seriously, we've seen this here a lot and these are the games cheaters play.

So now she says she wants to move back in to get things back on track and work on the M. How should you respond? A big fat NO. You tell her that she has a lot of work to do on herself before you will consider that. SHE needs to earn YOUR trust and respect again, not the other way around. She needs to seek out personal counseling, and then later follow that up with marriage counseling so you can discuss terms of reconciliation. And SHE needs to set that up, not you. You need to make her do all the work.

Me: 59 w/ S17, D23, D26
Current R: 4 years
Previous M: 21 years; BD: 06-14-12; S: 09-10-12; D final: 03-17-14; XW:56