Your situation sounds very similar to mine. I am older but my wife is your age.

I think trying to force anything with the OM just makes her reach out to him more. I am new here so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I can that happened with me. I pushed the our own relationship, etc, and it just pushed her farther away.

I agree with Jac12, she has to decide on her own that she misses you and you will know when she has made that decision because she wouldnt continue to be friends with him.