Really need some advice. Married 3.5yr, had a terrible 2019, me being super busy with work, close family illnesses both of which have disrupted the amount of time we've spent together. W also made a career move that didn’t work out (and I didn’t approve of and didn’t really support). All the above have led to W spending a lot of time seeing friends and getting fulfilment outside the M. W said she wasn’t happy twice during the year which we v briefly discussed and was put down to hormones and feeling worn out due to all the above.

BD was 1 month ago when I asked her whether she was happy because she’s spending a lot of time with friends and she was making plans before we could make plans together. W moved out to her mum’s for some space (I think partially motivated by a friend who’s done similar). My reaction as a LBH was to analyse all the horrible and neglectful behaviour I’ve shown her this year (some of which I’m quite ashamed) and work on improving myself including being more loving, watching and reading marriage advice, gym, tidy house, better work/life balance, better lifestyle, DIY etc. 180 in many areas. W hasn’t really changed at all - still busy all the time with friends although she is working on that. There’s one particular male friend I don’t trust she’s been getting close to that makes me jealous which I try not to admit. I don’t think she’d cheat though - no A but could argue friends are EA.

We chat daily over message and she comes over a few times a week (sometimes includes hugging, cuddling, napping together, playing with her hair (I know!)) but nothing more physical. I suggested she wasn't trying to R but W says she has been spending time with me and trying to R and get the spark back. She says she still loves me and attracted but there’s something missing. We’ve talked a lot and I’ve asked several times for her to move back to work on the M (I know). She says it doesn’t feel right and she even said she has no logic right now, only emotions. Both love each other a lot. She says she doesn’t want me to put my life on hold for her. Last conversation felt quite final where she told me what a great guy I am etc. almost as if she's letting me go.

I’ve read a lot of posts on here and think I understand most of the strategies. Is my W a WW? (I think she is and has enjoyed space and autonomy without pleasing people) Should I be detaching myself? Is there a risk she would move on if I detach? Should she move back in and under what circumstances? We txt daily - should I stall on that/reply with the minimum or be exciting and fun showing how I’m GAL? Should I be spending time with her when she asks? Should I be fun and interesting when in her company - like the 'dating me' was? I’m GAL and becoming a better person. I do feel leaning away will help.

Any advice greatly appreciated.

OS2