Again, lots of stuff going on, haven't even had time to come here as often.
I really screwed up. Last week (friday?) D13 was struggling and told me I loved other 3 sisters and not her. This has to do with her thinking they're all against their mom and on "my side".
She went outside as her mom arrived and I went to talk to my W to explain what is going on with her. I told her that D13 is "defending" her because she loves her and thinks her mom is lonely. I explained some of the things she's said, and made sure to tell her I'm not blaming her, and even told her I'm not recommending any actions from her part as I didn't know what to do, just wanted to let her know.
My W got defensive, that she hasn't done anything to get her like that, that her behavior is normal and all our kids have gone through those phases. I listened, but tried to make sure she knew I wasn't blaming her. She became inpatient and said she had a busy day and needed to go to the restroom. I wasn't happy and said "hey I just want to let you know how our daughter is doing".
W went inside the house, she started yelling at me and threw/pushed a chair. She came back and we continued the "conversation". I should have kept my mouth shut and just validated, but I made the mistake to again highlight that D13 has good intentions, that I know her mom didn't cause this, etc. I took time to explain how I thought she was doing this out of good intentions.
All of that resulted in my W saying "See, you don't listen and don't let me talk. We have a TOXIC ... or we had a ... TOXIC relationship". That's how she sees our 20 year marriage, and 29 years together. And I screwed up because instead of validating I engaged in this stupid argument and I feel like crap because of it.
This week [censored] ... I'm feeling really down. Court date is on Thursday, mediation on Friday ... and I feel like like desperation and depression is going to overwhelm me this week. I'm tired, I'm exhausted.