I had been sorta proud of myself. Certainly compared to last year, I've not been nearly as amped up over this upcoming cruise. I've not been nearly as excited either. I also sorta gave up trying to find someone several times along the way- coinciding with "deadlines" that I was given which turns out were never actual deadlines anyhow - which I pretty much knew all along. For those who were not here last year (consider yourself lucky) or to refresh... last year they had Wild Girl and myself booked along with the rest of our core group, flights and all, already by the end of August. A bit of drama ensued with Wild Girl in December/early January but in the end it all worked out pretty well and much as I had hoped. I guess I should have considered myself lucky - little did I know.

I finally asked the first person for this year in early September - again after last year was already set. That was a no go. I then passed on #2 and asked #3 who was already on a two week vacation that included a cruise in October and could not get off of work again in January. So onto #4 who is a FWB I've known for awhile but have not seen since early summer. She was excited until she found out her largest account had an event starting during the cruise - so no go. By this time I figured it was too late anyhow and sort of gave up again. BTW, there were probably another 5 women that I considered asking but after not wanting to spend a day with them I could not imagine a week.

Move to early November when i'm given yet another deadline, might have been my 3rd or 4th "deadline" - this time November 18 and could include someone local as the flight that was oversold now had seats available. I had sort of just been trying for people who didn't have to fly with me - as in from other states or areas. As I asked #5 and #6, #4 came back and said she had a co-worker willing to cover for her and her boss was fine with it as long as the client would sign off. A few days later we found out the client would not sign off so no go again - oh and she's back with a former BF so no go on two levels. #5 also could not (or would not) make it work. #6, who I wanted to go nearly as much as #1, took about 3 weeks to finally give me an answer but in the end said thanks but no thanks. So now I was really done - but pretty good with going solo, or so I thought.

I really was or am or sorta am in a good place with it. I got what I wanted last year so maybe I kind of got it out of my system. Although then people start asking me "who's going on the cruise with you" and look at me like I have two heads or some sort of disease when i tell them no one. Like what kind of loser can't even get a date for a cruise? Hold the 2X4s I really don't feel this way so you don't have to tell me why i shouldn't - yet I kinda think some of them do. Some feel sorry for me, especially SIL and some other family members - which I think is even worse.Still, I was doing pretty good - or perhaps just forcing myself not to think about it?

Still I've been pretty fine about it all - heck you guys all know how much I posted and posted and wore friends out last year and this year I've been pretty silent about it all both here and IRL. Well, until now I guess. I go to the mailbox this afternoon and here is my cruise info - well sorta... I have no cabin info. Got my flight (which doesn't get us to Florida until 6 PM the night before rather than 11 AM like the original flight was. Guess we can live with that but it kinda kills the day. Got hotel and transfer info but no cabin info - nothing. I'm like ????? did they forget to put it in the mail? (this old guy mails everything even though he could totally email it and actually prints emails to mail them to me LOL) So I check with the band leader, yep he and his wife have their cabin number and instructions to log in and print their documents. So I text the guy running the show - the old guy who I don't trust that mails things - the guy who is already saving $500 or more on the flight I was given, plus gratuity, taxes, etc. that won't have to be paid on the wasted free cruise that I can't seem to give away. "I'm still working on who to pair you with" comes back the text - and my heart sank. I'm like huh? Pair me with? Yep, He's not happy enough saving $500 if he can save $1,200 more by having some other random single guy among the 500 plus going that he can throw me in with. NO F'ING WAY!!!

Somehow I remained professional and let him know that is not going to happen. He then tried to change it to, "oh no I mean if you still find someone to go with you" as in don't believe what I tried to tell you a minute ago, believe what I'm saying now. I then got, "Well I'm just about to leave the office for the weekend but we'll get it straightened out on Monday."

Ain't happening dude. You are not putting me with some random guy for the week - as if. Talk about totally killing any semblance of looking forward to this trip. Divorce and being single - the gift that just keeps on giving. Talk about taking the fun out of it all. And I don't want to be a Donny Downer but I can just tell how all this is shaping up that this is not going to be even close to as much fun as last year. Not only not taking someone and wasting a free vacation which just chaps my butt to no tomorrow, many of the fun friends from last year are not going either.

So I'm just trying to calm myself and wait to find out what he tries to sell me, er um I mean tell me on Monday. He did say I could add someone to the cabin at the last minute so perhaps he really did mean that - although then why say find someone to pair me with - was he testing that to see if I'd go for it? Will see. I know the band leader will stand behind me - and I'm helping out another band on top of it - yeah doing double duty - so I should have some pull. I can get good with going alone, at least I think I can - I hope I can. But, I can't get good with rooming with some stranger OMG. Although his daughter is in her late 40s, pretty cute and fun - maybe I should tell him i'll room with her and her BFF???? I could take that. smile Oh, there, see, sense of humor still in tact. Hmmmmm maybe I need to consider finding #7 to ask?????? I am so good at being single but it's times like these that I'm really tested. Then I start to think back to how amazingly fun last year was. But I digress.

And Cruisegate #2020 continues.

Me 56
Met 11/95 / Married 5/00
Bomb 6/20/05 / She Filed on 6/2/06 / Divorced on 10/9/06
4 who'd qualify as GF since D & dated about 25 women since D