Jim, just read your last update. First a 2x4: You still came across as too needy. I am glad you didn't "The only two things I wish had gone differently in our talk was I wish I had focused more on the importance of making your partner a priority in a relationship, and calling her out on her excuses about not being capable of putting more effort into the relationship, but it doesn't matter." Those would have been mistakes. She would see what you were doing "I NEED more!, Please give it to me so we can reconcile!" See how needy that comes across?

I also wish you hadn't reached out to her. At all. I feel like all of that was a test. Remember, people want what they don't have. When did she want you? When you were with your GF. As soon as you jettisoned the GF and you were "available" she went ice-cold. Let that be a serious lesson for you. I feel all of this was one giant, "I should see if I could get him back!" temp-check. Trust me, I've been through it with my ex-GF. It feels like crap because it is a crappy thing for someone to do to another person. It toys with their emotions and their life. Do you really want to be with someone capable of that?

Other than that I think you handled it well. The "You don't seem that upset" was a key indicator that you did well.

As far as the ex-GF, maybe it isn't meant to be. Maybe it is. Maybe asking her out and just laying everything out on the table would let you know if there is a possibility of getting back together. You weren't married to her, so it isn't like you made a long-term commitment to her, and then broke it to explore you reconciliation with your STBXW. Or you start dating others again. The world is your oyster.

I will warn you, if you get back into a R with someone new (or the ex-GF) your STBXW may very well come calling again. And even harder this time. Treat it extremely skeptically. Someone like her is capable of the emotion and life toying because, quite frankly, she's already done it!! True colors my friend.

Sorry man, but look at it this way, nothing was gained but nothing was lost in all of this.


Last edited by Steve85; 11/19/19 05:38 PM.

M(53), W(54),D(19)
M-23, T-25 Bomb Drop - Dec.23, 2017
Ring and Piecing since March 2018